


I'd Left Them Dreaming

by Alienea, pleasekalemenow



Series: The Inherent Romanticism of Dragons [25]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Multi, Other, and maybe failing, and trying to be comforting, cannibalism ment, sometimes you have nightmares about a horrifying pyramid and the void that made it is there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:06:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24740509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alienea/pseuds/Alienea, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasekalemenow/pseuds/pleasekalemenow
Summary: Lyfrassir Edda had a time, getting the GRAIL out of the pyramid it was placed in. They still have nightmares about it now.It doesn't necessarily help that the void they were sent to retrieve is part of them now.
Relationships: Lyfrassir Edda/Nyarlathotep
Series: The Inherent Romanticism of Dragons [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832185
Comments: 9
Kudos: 74





	I'd Left Them Dreaming

Nyarl does not really sleep. There’s no need for it, and Lyf doesn’t always sleep well or stay asleep, so it makes sense to stay up and be a bit more quiescent during the day if necessary. Lyf generally did not make it necessary, though, so Nyarl whiled away the night by reading books from Ashes’ hoard, or actually answering summons, sometimes. So Nyarl did not immediately notice Lyf’s nightmare when it started, instead assuming that the distress was coming from nymself, since the book was frankly an excellently crafted story. By the time Nyarl had noticed that it was Lyf’s distress, it was too late to derail the dream, and so ce nudged them awake, violin already in hand to help them relax again.

Lyf wakes up choking, which is distressing for everyone involved because there’s nothing for them to choke on at all, but they roll over, chest heaving as they can’t get enough air and they feel deeply ill, a few panicked sobs breaking through the fruitless hacking.

 _Lyf, do you want me to regulate your breathing?_ Nyarl disappears the violin, and leans in, rubbing Lyf’s back in soothing circles. _Or I could make you water? Tea?_ Nyarl is trying to think of things that cannot have human in them that might help Lyf get the dream-taste out of their mouth. _Anything- anything can be manifested, you know what’s in what you manifest, that wouldn’t happen accidentally, you can control what goes in you, and you’re with Marius and the Hoard._

Lyf continues hacking, although they’re more just hyperventilating now and they don’t know what all they need or want but the _taste_ is- _Tea, tea please please now._

Nyarl holds out a mug of peppermint tea for Lyf, hot but not hot enough to burn, and gently lifts one of Lyf’s hands to the mug to take it. _Here. Take a drink. It’s tea, water and heat and leaves all mixed together. Technically, the tea is taking smaller bits in the leaves, and that’s what gives it the flavor._ Nyarl keeps on talking about the technicalities of tea for Lyf, describing what’s in it and how it’s made. Doing this does not distract em from gently rubbing Lyf’s back. They nod absently, no longer choking but very much hyperventilating, and they bring the mug to their lips but pause.

_Breathing please help_

_Alright, Lyf._ Nyarl controls Lyf’s lungs and throat and mouth and begins to bring Lyf from hyperventilation to slower, more relaxed breathing. Since xe’s not the one panicking, it’s easier for her to get Lyf’s body back to believing it’s okay to breathe calmly. _You’re alright. It’s night time, and Marius is there- ah. I figured you wouldn’t want to wake him, so I did a bit of magic, but I can change that. Marius is there, and the rest of the Hoard is here. You’re safe._ Nyarl keeps on rubbing Lyf’s back, now in time with their breathing. Lyf takes a shaky breath and sips their tea, hands trembling. Peppermint isn’t their favorite, but it’s clean, and they can see through it, and there’s not- it’s not- it’s _not._ And even if Nyarl could somehow make- make _that_ look and taste like peppermint tea, ze _wouldn’t_ and Lyf takes another sip because Nyarl made this, it’s safe, ce wouldn’t hurt them when they’re vulnerable, wouldn’t hurt them on purpose, xe promised.

 _Do you want... fruit? Something like that? An apple, or a peach, I can cut it up into thin slices._ Nyarl refills Lyf’s tea. _I could even go get some fruit from the kitchen, I’m sure there’s something. Ashes makes sure that their people have a lot of food. Or I could.. Honeycomb? Or is that too sweet?_ Nyarl carefully sits down on the bed next to Lyf and leans against them, trying to keep on providing comfort.

Lyf shakes their head the entire time je speaks. They can’t even manage a hoarse laugh. “You think I want to _eat_ right now? I wish I never had to eat again. I can’t- I can’t.” They haven’t stopped shaking their head, their breathing starting to pick up a bit again.

 _I think it’ll help you to eat something you know doesn’t have anything but itself in it, and fruit is good for that. It’s not ... I could. I could just put nutrients into you for the rest of your life, but that’s not healthy for you. Mentally, at least, I wouldn’t let you... not the point. If you just want more tea right now, we can stick with that._ Nyarl’s hand on Lyf’s back presses in a bit more, trying to give Lyf a grounding point to get their breathing calm again. 

_Tea,_ Lyf agrees weakly. They’ll eat again, of course, they always eat again, although every time they remember the taste of that stew, that horrible fucking stew, they vow never to eat again, but they always do it’s just that it’s impossible to forget how it tasted when they dug in so enthusiastically at first, desperate, hungry, they hadn’t eaten in days and for the first few minutes they thought it was the best food they’d ever eaten but then-

Nyarl shoves the book that they were reading before waking up in front of Lyf. The cover has badly-done vaguely-racy art on the cover. _So I’ve been reading this series while you’re asleep, I picked the first one at random but then they turned out to actually have very good writing and stories. The cover art is bad, but if you can look past that it’s a good plotline and the characters feel very realistic. Do you want to read some of it? I can get the first one._ Nyarl has already manifested another arm to stick through a portal and rummage around in the library.

Lyf blinks at it, completely startled out of their train of thought. “Is this a romance novel?”

 _Er. Yes, it is._ The title on the book cover is Snowbound Courtship. _Sometimes you start reading a book series and then need to know what happens next. In this case what happened next was they went on vacation but then there was an unexpected snowstorm right after an argument and now they’re communicating and working together to overcome the natural disaster of the snowstorm._

_How many beds?_

_Absolutely only one, that’s how the genre works._

_Oh my god, they’re roommates._

_And they were roommates! Would you like the first one to try, then?_

_I guess._ They gently don’t ask Nyarl to read it to them because they know how it is when you get weirdly invested in a book and need to know what happens next. Nyarl pulls the first in the series, The Matchmaker’s Vow, out of the library.

_Would you like me to read it to you and you can try to go back to sleep? I will pay attention and make sure you don’t have more nightmares tonight._

_Using brainsharing power to be a good friend are we._

_Yes, I am. I can continue reading mine in the morning. So that’s a yes?_

_...Yes, please. Thank you._

Nyarl opens the book to the first page and starts to read out loud, including character voices, for Lyf, waiting for them to go back to sleep.

Lyf is endeared, although as they calm down, their mind clears a bit.

“...Nyarl?”

Nyarl lowers the book and looks over at Lyf. “Yes?”

They’re quiet for a moment. “The pyramid.” There are several questions that swirl at once- _Was it you? Were you trapped? Did you do that? Was it your fault?_

Nyarl cannot disappear but for a moment ce strongly, strongly wishes to. _I-made the pyramid, but. I never intended for people to enter it. The area around it used to look like the area inside, although as you probably noted space was warped in there. It was supposed to be impenetrable, and then the cat’s-paws of my relatives broke it open, and it started releasing pain and death, and I am sorry that you had to go through it. So I suppose it was my fault, for not considering that that would happen._

Lyf ponders this for a moment. Not really in an angry way, or an accusatory one, just. Resigned, and accepting, and they want to ask more questions but they- they can feel what Nyarl is feeling, the pain and the panic, and they don’t know why he erected the pyramid but they feel like Nyarl is entitled to that secret if they want it. Nyarl is grateful that Lyf doesn’t press. What led to the pyramid was never dealt with, despite the centuries that Nyarl had to do so, just covered up and tucked away for later, pearls of trauma that Nyarl is not yet willing to crack open for Lyf.

_Do you want me to keep on reading?_

Lyf looks at Nyarl, and they suspect they know something that might help them both more. _Hold me?_

 _I can do that._ Nyarl tucks the books back away through a portal to the library, and lays down next to and partly over Lyf, hugging them. _Is this good?_

Lyf wraps themself around her like an octopus. They nod.

 _Good._ Nyarl gets a bit more octopus-like for Lyf, and starts to hum. It’s the same song that Lyf is used to, and at this point, Nyarl doesn’t quite know how to help Lyf get to sleep without it. It’s what je does, at night. Make music for Lyf. And Lyf honestly doesn’t know how to fall asleep without their Void singing to them, a routine not long-lived but deeply lived, and the addition of Nyarl’s arms and legs around them, holding them like this, keeping them safe- it’s nice. It’s really nice. It feels safe in a way few things do. They feel themself begin to drift, and they cling to Nyarl and the trust that ce will protect them from the ghosts which haunt their dreams.

They ponder the pyramid often. Nyarl doesn’t really like digging into cer past. And Lyf knows that feeling. But they’re- well, they’re curious, and this is the only decision they’ve ever really made without _attempting_ to do research, so. They research a bit. They pore over the library for tales of the devil, trying to sort through and find anything that might actually be true. It’s hard to find information on Nyarlathotep. Ivy’s done an excellent job of archiving and cross-referencing, however, so Lyf is able to find a few books on the inspiration for the devil. The top of the pile is a collection of essays on historical figures who grappled with the devil. It quickly becomes clear that not all of the people mentioned actually knew Nyarlathotep. There’s a few, however, that Lyf is able to pick out as probably having known Nyarl. They’re all noted as having chosen to bind the devil inside of themselves, and all noted as refuting the title and name of Devil as applying to Nyarlathotep.

It doesn’t paint a very pretty picture. There’s obvious bias in the essays, but even so, every person is noted as having gone down in a lot of destruction. It’s framed as succumbing to the devil that they had bravely bound away from the world at the end of their lives. Their long, long lives, as the essays on each person as talking about a lifetime that’s always over a century. The details of what each person did with their life have mostly been lost, but the change in the people, from kind and open to cruel and grabbing for power- that is clear.

Lyf isn’t. Really sure how to feel about any of it. The bias is apparent- but Nyarl hasn’t seemed corrupting to them. On the contrary. They’ve only gotten better because of Nyarl. Maybe it’s to do with the individuals themselves? Could they have wanted immortality for their loved ones as well as themselves, gotten greedy? Is immortality just inherently unsustainable for humans? Lyf isn’t sure, but they remember what Nyarl has said and felt about people changing, about being stuck with people who don’t care about you- and. They feel a bit ill, more than anything.

Nyarl had been working with Raphaella, and concentrating on figuring out the finer details of a rune when Lyf picked up the book. And then they were reading, and it was entirely too late to step in, and definitely incriminating to do so. And now Lyf knows that Nyarl has failed at every anchor relationship that they’ve had before, that ne has managed to fail person after person and end up in a fight for control every single time. Ce pulls back from Lyf’s mind, and can only feel the sick sense of realization coming from Lyf’s mind. So Nyarl begins to pull back from Lyf, gets ready to be told to leave, and. Well. At least Ashes is right there, and Lyf will still be able to live happily. Nyarl can find an item to function as an anchor- starts mentally sorting through Ashes’ hoard right now, to find something fitting- and leave Lyf. Leave Lyf without them getting hurt by Nyarl’s failures. Lyf looks up from the book, panicked at the loss.

_Wait, where are you going? Please, don’t go, I’m sorry- was it the book? I can stop looking, I’m sorry, I should have asked._

Nyarl doesn’t manifest next to Lyf, but instead of thinking back a voice comes out of the air. “I’m not- you deserved to know, and I shouldn’t and wouldn’t keep it from you, and I understand if you want me to go. I can go. Just. Just please don’t ask me to stay just because you like the power and- not me.”

Lyf is still a bit panicked because they’re having the impulse to grab and hold and keep and protect but there’s nothing to grab, so they just hug themself, the book pressed to their chest. “I don’t care about the power, I- I don’t want it, the only thing I’ve ever wanted w-was a friend who wouldn’t leave, who would treat me well, and you- that’s what you promised me, that’s what I want. Please, I don’t care about the power, just please don’t leave me. If I could have you without the power I would take that instead if that’s what you needed.”

Nyarl slowly, carefully, settles back inside Lyfrassir, stopping the mental catalogue of possible objects to jump to. It doesn’t feel quite the same as the first time. Instead of a satisfying pop of something settling into place, there’s still a tension, as Nyarl doesn’t quite go all the way back. _Despite. Despite what you read? You’re- sure? I don’t... I don’t want you to regret me, later._

 _...It went wrong because of them, didn’t it? I can’t- you only want to make me better. I can’t imagine you making me worse like that. Did they want things that were- unsafe, too much? That’s- it’s all I can think of, it’s all that makes sense. I’ve been wrong about...people, before, but I don’t. I don’t think I’m wrong about you, Nyarl._ There’s a tentative hope, there, and they’re nervous about letting it grow but they know trust is always a choice and they. They want to trust.

 _I don’t ... the only consistent variable in all of them was me. They all eventually decided they wanted more, and I’m. I don’t know. Too careful. Then they got tired of asking me._ There’s flashes of memory that manage to get through at that, different faces in different outfits and locations all painstakingly preserved in memory getting tired of asking and demanding instead and Nyarlathotep had to give it to them.

Lyf decides to pull out their fantasy uno reverse card. _The consistent variable in my relationships with the courtiers is me. Is it my fault that they- that they. Did what they did, to me? Do you think I’m to blame that they wanted more than I wanted to give, that they. Took it?_

 **_No._ ** The response is immediate and unequivocal. _I. Fuck. I’m the only one allowed to fantasy uno reverse card. And also I could get into the argument that there’s other consistent variables about how they were raised, and how Odin apparently finds all of this acceptable, there’s a lot of other consistent variables there. It’s not the same. But I will take your point._ Nyarl manifests a body to drape over Lyf and hug them. _Here. Felt that you wanted a hug. I would also like one._

Lyf sets the book down so there’s no barrier when they wrap their arms around the Void, pulling them close and hugging tight. _Friends._

_Friends. Glad to be friends. And if you ever want- and I’m not saying you will, or trying to treat this like it’s predestined- but if you ever want me to leave, I will._

_I know the door is unlocked, Nyarl, you don’t have to keep opening it and gesticulating wildly in its direction. That just lets a draft in when the temperature is perfectly comfortable with it closed._

_Point taken._ Nyarl finally slots fully back into place. _If you. Do want to know about them, what’s not written, what wouldn’t get written. I don’t mind telling the stories of before they. Before._ Nyarl makes another hand just to gesture vaguely with it. _There are some good ones._

_Only if you want to tell them._

_Maybe not right now, then. Give me a bit to figure out which ones I want to share. I do want to tell them, but. Not specifically right now. You can keep reading, if you want. I will interject with annoyance every time I am referred to as the devil._

_That’s fair enough. I don’t think I need to read any more of this. Do you want to go play music together?_

_Yes, please. I can make a clarinet. Or an oboe. Some sort of woodwind. Let’s go to the music room?_ Nyarl lightens so that Lyf can move around without the weight of another person, but retains enough weight that even if ve decides to become invisible Lyf will know that Nyarl is there.

 _You don’t have to lighten up, I’m a knight._ They simply scoop and begin heading towards the music room. _You’ll never guess what instrument I choose to play, by the way._

 _Hmmmm. Using my experience and excellent powers, I think I’m going to say the cello? It’s just a wild guess, but I think I can have some confidence in it._ Nyarl gets a bit heavier. _Oh, I could go with the harp. I haven’t played the harp in a while._

 _Truly, your psychic prowess transcends human understanding._ They smooche the Void. _I like the harp. It’s romantic._

 _Then I will play the harp._ The Void cannot physically blush, but the feeling is there. _It also works well with the cello. The sounds compliment each other. Did you have a song in mind?_

 _O Mio Babbino Caro?_ Lyf gently doesn’t think about the lyrics. It’s a beautiful and yearning tune.

 _I know it. I would be happy to play it with you, Lyf._ In the music room, Nyarl manifests a harp. It’s a simple harp, with ornamentation that’s been worn away by time, but the strings are all there, and when Nyarl moves slightly off of Lyf to test it, it’s still in tune. _Do you need the sheet music?_

 _I think I know this one._ Lyf used to practice this one compulsively when they were first learning. They’ve never played it with a harp accompanying them before, though. They pick up the violin they’ve been using and ready it. _...Is that harp significant to you? Normally when you manifest things they aren’t…_

 _Ah. Yes. I thought I would bring it out for this. Attach better memories to it. Maybe I’ll start actually using it again._ Nyarl holds out a memory of being handed the harp, back when the engravings were clear and sharp. The face of the person holding out the harp is clear, but everything else has attained the blur of time. _Perhaps someone here knows how to engrave._

Lyf hums, tries to push the feeling of a hug at Nyarl, unsure if they can really do that without hugging themself or hugging them. _I could try to learn._ Their tone is tentative. The feeling of a hug wraps around them as Nyarl does it back.

 _If you want to. I’m sure we could get the wood and tools for you to learn._ Nyarl lets zir feeling of happiness at the offer wash over Lyf. _We could make our own new instruments together, if you want._

 _I would love that._ Lyf can and does blush. _Are you ready, kära mörker?_

Nyarl fumbles at the strings for a brief moment as they process the endearment. _I am regretting that R’lyehian doesn’t lend itself to pet names. I am going to have to steal from other languages, I suppose._ Nyarl takes a moment to check and make sure that ve didn’t damage the harp strings, and then nods. _I’m ready. Count us down?_

Lyf conducts in the air with one hand for a moment, setting a visual rhythm before bringing their bow to the strings with a “One and a-” 

\- And then they begin to play, deliberate and soulful, closing their eyes to lose themself in the sound. Nyarl joins after a few notes, picking up on Lyf’s rhythm and plucking the harp, reminding themself of how to play and deliberately tucking down old memories, impressing this new memory atop the old as ze focuses on Lyf and the music.


End file.
